Processing Envy
Are you an envious person?
I caught myself asking this question several days ago.
I have conditioned myself to be more self-aware of envious feelings. I did not grow up in privileged surroundings. I used to resent not having nice clothes in my teens. However, like most people, I realised that my parents have done their absolute best to raise me. I went to university, after all, really, I cannot complain.
How I easily clip the slightest hint of envy can be attributed to my mother. She tells me “Don’t ever be embarrassed with what you have.” Do you notice how she frames it to highlight what I already have? Because I was embarrassed with lousy, non-fashionable items of clothing I wore in my teenage years, my self-consciousness was exploding then and my mother recognized that. Hence her gem of advice that I carry to this day.
Since then, I don’t get envious easily.
Even with social media in which many adults are rubbing it in everybody’s faces that they’ve made it, I will be mindful and try to snap myself out of if, if I happen to feel envy creeping in.
However, recently I was tested. As soon as I saw a post (that was captioned to show a regular item, but what the picture was focusing on was (really) was the logo of a nice car. It is a classy car. The gentleman did not verbally announce the new purchase, (otherwise, his judgemental acquaintances like me are going to tell him he’s a show-of, duh!) I kid you not. If you had seen the post yourself, you’d know he was dying to showcase the gorgeous and expensive toy that he works his ass off to get. I remember feeling, “Darling….Why are you trying so hard to prove yourself?”
I quickly brushed the post off and continued with my day. But not without mentally calculating his age, his annual salary, commitments (all conservative guesstimates) and comparing them with mine. As soon as I caught myself doing this, I felt so ashamed of myself!
I went on with my day and the mental image of the car-reveal-post-but-not-quite post by that guy came to disturb me about 4–5 times.
I eventually cured myself of it. I remind myself to be happy for him. That him flexing, subtly or otherwise, has no bearing on my abilities, my earnings or self-esteem, or anything at all. It has nothing to do with me. His earning (and spending more) does not take anything away from me.
I reminded myself that I don’t do this envy shit. I also reminded myself I’m a non-subscriber of the keeping-up-with-the-Joneses operating model. And I’m bloody proud of myself for that!
I already have everything I want and need. I’m working hard to get that annual salary that I yearn for. And I’m not going berserk by getting all of my favourite toys. I have been on the Live in Moderation path for several years and I find peace in its simplicity.
My mother’s advice still rings in my ears every now and then.
I’m afraid I’m going to need a news strategy should a new ‘test’ comes.
P/S — A suggestion for reading material to not get sucked into Keeping Up With The Joneses, please read a book titled Time and Money by Gary Cross. You’ll see my point once you pick up this book. Enjoy!
